Religion Be Gone!

I just saw this cartoon on Pharyngula and couldn’t help but pass it along. Calvin and Hobbes was an awesome comic strip in many, many ways. This was just one of them… childhood insight.

General calvin and hobbes, god, santa

Here’s the best rationale I’ve ever seen for why God lets bad things happen to good people (I mean, if he actually existed). It’s the best rationale because it’s actually consistent with God’s behavior in the Old Testament… and the New Testament if you really get into it.

I’d love to give someone credit for this image, but I don’t know its source. Apologies to the creator (small c creator… not… oh nevermind).

General bad things, god, good people, wtf

Any time an omnipotent, invisible being has a child (who is also himself) and sends him(self) to Earth so that he can tell everyone about his father (who is himself) and get them to worship him(self), in order to eventually have him(self) persecuted and killed in a bloody, horrendous manner, and then have him(self) resurrected in order to magically create a  ”belief for forgiveness” trading post in the sky, really deserves nothing but reverence and respect, both intellectually and spiritually.

*cough*

So in the spirit of treating “serious” matters seriously…

Q: What did Jesus say while he was being crucified?

A: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh…

Q: What’s the difference between Jesus Christ and an oil painting?

A: You only need one nail to hold up an oil painting.

Jesus walks into a hotel. He hands the innkeeper three nails and says, “Can you put me up for the night?”

I don’t want to break a commandment and say that these are my jokes. That would be lying… which, in this case, wouldn’t technically be “bearing false witness” against my neighbor, but even so, I’d rather give credit where credit is due. These all came from Liberator.net page of Jesus Jokes and Pictures.

When it comes to joke material, religion really is pretty much a bottomless bucket.

Catholicism, Christianity, General Christianity, crucifixion, god, jesus, joke, resurrection, wtf

Great stuff from 2 Kings 2:23 – 2:24 about Elisha, one of the mightiest of prophets (and personally my very, very favorite)…

2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

That’s some seriously good stuff, eh? The dude is so badass that he doesn’t even have to maul children by himself. He can just have God summon up some bears to do it for him! That’s even better than Wonder Twin powers. I mean… seriously!

So remember kids…

Christianity bald, bears, elisha, god, maul, wtf

The Flying Spaghetti Monster and his noodly appendages is divine.

General, Pastafarianism flying spaghetti monster, fsm, god, pastafarian, russell, teapot